Emotional Detox

Emotional Detox
Strategies
The little space within the heart is as great as the vast universe. The heavens and the earth are there, and the sun and the moon and the stars. Fire and lightning and winds are there, and all that now is and all that is not.
Upanishads
In this chapter you will learn
• The 10 Emotional Detox Principles • Simple meditation exercises that you can use when you need an instant pick-me-up or an immediate release of tension, at home, work, or almost anywhere • Easy yoga exercises • Ancient Chinese qigong exercises • Th e benefits of meditating and energy exercises; and • Th e effects of toxic people in our lives and suggestions for dealing with them Chapter .: Emotional Detox Strategies ...
One of the most important elements of great health is a positive attitude. Research confirms that there is a strong mind-body link that can positively or negatively affect health, healing, and the ability to ward off or fi ght disease.
Researchers have developed an Optimism-Pessimism (PSM) scale in a study referred to as the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI). This study showed that people with a pessimistic attitude have poorer health, are prone to depression, are more frequent users of medical and mental health-care systems, exhibit more mental decline as they age, and have impaired immune functions and a shorter survival rate than optimists.1
Stressful emotions create damaging hormones and toxins in the body. The adrenal glands, the body’s main “stress” glands, secrete hormones to help us deal with short-term stresses. However, in our modern times, many people live under constant stress. Th e body does not differentiate between life-threatening stresses, such as being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger, which our distant ancestors might have experienced thousands of years ago, and our current stresses, such as job stress, relationship difficulties, or money worries. It is important that we learn mechanisms to release stress buildup and improve our abilities to cope with stress.
This reminds me of work I did in the international trade realm. North American clients would inevitably claim that everything was urgent. They would hire my services as a consultant, expecting me to make up for their time delays by working day and night. Some of the European clients I worked with would also claim that their project was urgent, while allowing weeks for its completion. Th eir approach was far more relaxed and reasonable.
We have a tendency to overestimate the urgency of our work and live somewhat myopic lives at times, believing that virtually all our experiences are highly stressful. I felt that way at one time and still occasionally get sucked into this unrealistic pattern. However,
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when I was very ill and questioned whether I would continue living, my view of stress changed substantially. Lying on my bed, unable to do anything, I had to learn to love myself, not for what I was able to do or for any accomplishments or achievements, but for who I am. It was at that time that I realized I had lived my whole life to that point believing that I was the sum of my successes and failures. I felt like an empty shell of a person. I also came to learn that stress is really a figment of our imaginations. Life is only as stressful as we choose to let it be. I know there will be people who choose to become angered by this statement.
We are the only directors of our lives. We are the only ones who choose our responses. We can choose to make the most of our life experiences or not, depending on our outlook on life. As a stress release mechanism, I started to ask myself,“Will this matter at the end of my life? Or even in a year?” If the answer was no, then I would take some deep breaths, do the energy exercise described later in this chapter, and get on with my day.
We know that stress affects our hormones, which can be damaging to our health over the long term. Research also suggests that emotions can become stored at the cellular level. This could be part of the reason why we can become stuck in the traumas we endure. Other studies demonstrate that stress can cause blockages in our energy systems.
To fully detoxify, it is essential to consider stress and our emotions and follow an emotional detox program to help rid our bodies and minds of stress buildup. Before you can benefit from some of the emotional detoxification techniques I am about to share with you, it is important to recognize that emotions play a huge role in your physical health. Although disease may have roots in the physical body, in my opinion, it just as often has emotional roots.
Research in a field of study known as psychoneuroimmunology found that every part of our immune system is linked to the brain. Researchers discovered that every thought, experience, and emo-
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tion sends messages to the immune system, either strengthening or impairing its functioning. Emotions such as happiness, optimism, and joy boost the immune system, while pessimism and depression are linked to an increased risk of cancer.2
In another long-term study of older men, scientists found that men who had high levels of optimism had a 45 percent lower risk of angina pectoris, non-fatal heart attack, and coronary heart disease-related death, than men who were less optimistic. Other research shows that worry and anger are associated with an increased risk of cardiovascular disease.3
To prevent emotional stress from affecting your overall health and well-being, it is important to recognize how your attitude or approach to life may affect your health. There are ten major Emotional Detox Principles that can help with this.
EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 1: YOU ARE THE DIRECTOR OF YOUR LIFE Either this is an empowering principle or it can feel like a tonne of bricks hitting you, depending on where you are in life. We’ve all had moments of being victimized by our circumstances but the people who make significant life improvements are those who refuse to fall prey to self-pity. If you look around your life and do not like what you see, you can choose to feel sorry for yourself or you can recognize that somewhere along the way in creating your life, you may have got off track. We all do sometimes. To truly direct your life in the way you want to go, you have to take full responsibility as the Director—with all the feelings of success and failure that accompany that role.
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EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 2: REAL LIFE CHANGES REQUIRE SHIFTS IN ATTITUDE You may have heard the adage “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” If you are content with everything in your life, then continue what you always do, but if you want to change your life you need to change your attitude and the things you are doing. Proust said,“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes but in having new eyes.” Shift your view to be one that is positive, and you’ll be amazed at the discoveries you make along the way. A positive outlook makes a tremendous diff erence and can help you to totally transform your existing life into the life of your dreams.
EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 3: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF If you don’t like something in your life, have the courage to be honest with yourself. This is more difficult than it seems sometimes. We often delude ourselves into accepting aspects of our life so we will not have to put in the effort to make changes. Honesty is an integral part of remaking your life into the life you would like to have.
EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 4: NURTURE AND RESPECT YOURSELF The Upanishads may have stated this principle best:“The little space within the heart is as great as the vast universe. The heavens and the earth are there, and the sun and the moon and the stars. Fire and lightning and winds are there, and all that now is and all that is not.” You are greatness personified.Treat your body, mind, and spirit with the respect they deserve. If you love yourself, don’t feed your body junk, don’t accept emotionally or physically abusive treatment, don’t accept less than you deserve.
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EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 5: TODAY ’S THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS CREATE TOMORROW ’S REALITY I recently asked one of my clients,“Who is thinking the thoughts of uncertainty, questioning whether you will ever recover from your illness?” Her response is obvious—she is the only thinker in her mind. While there may be plenty of social conditioning that affects us, we are the only ones who can choose to accept thoughts and ideas as part of our reality. You are the only thinker of your thoughts. Th ose thoughts will create your reality. If you don’t like the reality your thoughts are creating, change your thoughts.
I am still amazed at the number of people, even medical doctors, who tell me,“I don’t believe that thoughts or emotions play a role in a person’s health.” The research that proves this connection is voluminous. This is not about believing. Th is is proven. Saying something like that is almost like saying,“I don’t believe in electricity because I can’t see it.” You can still reap the benefi cial effects of electricity without having an understanding of its inner workings.
You become what you think and feel. Research even shows that thinking and feeling compassionate thoughts produce measurable changes in the electrical activity of the heart.4
A recent study by Dr. Suzanne Segerstrom at the University of Kentucky on the role of stress and the immune system in fi rst-year law students found that those students who remained optimistic under stress had more helper T cells and more eff ective killer T cells (two indications of a strong immune system) than pessimistic students.
Want to feel great? Start thinking positive thoughts and expressing positive emotions.
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EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 6: CELEBRATE SUCCESS Celebrate every success along your journey, no matter how small. A friend of mine laughed at me because every time I had a seemingly small success in my life, I would celebrate, not with decadence and overindulgence, but with small things that I enjoyed. I would take a moment out of my day to enjoy some soy chai (Indian spiced tea), cook up my favourite healthy dinner (yes, healthy dinners can taste great too), have a long aromatherapy bath, or take a break from my day to share my success with my husband (my life’s best cheering section). Choose small things that you enjoy to celebrate every success along your journey. Of course, it is important to choose things that are healthful. Going out for beers with the guys to celebrate every small success would violate Principle 4: Nurture and Respect Yourself.
Also, it is important to celebrate other people’s successes. If you choose to belittle people or diminish the success of others, then you violate a significant Emotional Detox Principle and you will see limited success in your own life. Examine your life for areas where there may be hidden cynicism toward success. For example, many people believe that rich people are not good people, that they are snobs. That may be true of some rich people, but I have also met poor people who are snobs. Celebrate the success of others, including financial success.
EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 7: SURROUND YOURSELF WITH SUPPORTIVE AND POSITIVE PEOPLE Nobody needs someone kicking them down every time their life starts to improve, or worse, telling them, “I told you so” every time they hit an obstacle along the road to the life of their dreams. Life can be like a garden. If you don’t weed it regularly, the weeds will
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overgrow the plants and flowers you’re trying to nurture. Th e same is true of people. While everyone has potential to nurture the greatness within him- or herself, not everyone chooses to do that. Some people are downright negative or nasty.You only have so much time in a day. Choose to spend that time with people who are positive and support you on your journey.
EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 8: YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE OUT Someone once remarked while I was out hiking that everyone I encountered on the paths smiled at me. That person then realized that I was smiling at the people I met. They were smiling back. I found that people are far friendlier when you are friendly to them. If you’re always miserable, negative, or just barely tolerable, you will find that life hands you miserable, negative, or just barely tolerable experiences. Put on a smile and the world smiles back at you. Research even shows that you can trick your brain into thinking you are happy by smiling and telling yourself that you are. Before you know it, you are happy.
EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 9: SHARE YOUR SUCCESS WITH OTHERS Share your good fortune with others, by sharing the principles that helped you along your journey, by taking the time to help people in need, and by contributing to worthy causes. We are intricately connected with every other living being on this planet, and with Mother Nature. By sharing our success, it comes back to us many times over. I would like to share Gandhi’s Prayer for Peace to help you on your journey: “I off er you peace. I off er you love. I off er you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love.”
... The .-Week Ultimate Body Detox Plan
EMOTIONAL DETOX PRINCIPLE 10: KEEP ON TRUCKING There is a common expression among professional writers that the difference between success and failure as a writer has nothing to do with skill and everything to do with persistence. While skill is necessary in life, persistence to transform your life will be one of the greatest factors in your success.
Henry David Thoreau wrote,“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.” I encourage you to go confidently in the direction of your dreams. By doing so, you have a much better chance to live a fulfilling and happy life.
Now I would like to share with you some powerful emotional detox techniques to help you emotionally and energetically cleanse.
EMOTIONAL DETOX TECHNIQUES There are many excellent emotional detox techniques—enough to make up a book-length work on their own. I have selected only a few, but they are ones I have had tremendous success with, for myself and for my clients. You do not need to perform all the emotional detox techniques. Simply choose the one or ones that most appeal to you and stick with them throughout the four weeks of detoxification.
One thing I have witnessed countless times is that people who choose to follow only the nutritional and herbal suggestions will often re-experience old traumas or emotions as part of their cleansing eff orts. This is natural and a positive experience. I believe that the body uses detoxification as a means to emotionally cleanse as well. Incorporating emotional cleansing techniques into the overall detox program produces the best results.You will have tools at your disposal to help lessen the discomfort of painful emotions.You will also be better able to eliminate old traumas permanently, instead of pushing them back down, only to see them resurface later.
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Some of the techniques I have included are keeping a detox journal, meditation, breathing exercises, energy exercises, and Bach flower therapy. After reading about and trying the various techniques, choose the one or ones that feel best for you. Keep in mind that sometimes we avoid the very things we would most benefi t from. Meditation is a perfect example. Many people avoid quietening their minds through meditation because they fear the feelings that exist when their mental chatter stops. If that sounds like you, I urge you to begin to meditate.
Keep a Detox Journal
Now that you’ve learned the Emotional Detox Principles, it is time to start incorporating them into your detox program. During the next four weeks, begin to keep a Detox Journal. Take a few minutes every day to make note of your emotions as they arise. A common experience I hear from clients who undertake my detox programs is that they often gain a new perspective on old problems that have been weighing them down. By keeping a Detox Journal you will better enable your body to let go of troubling thoughts and emotions to live a more positive life.
What exactly are you going to write in this journal? Write about your physical, mental, and emotional experiences throughout cleansing. Write about any issues you are currently facing or problems that do not seem to be resolved. Write about your dreams, hopes, fear, doubts, and what you want from your life. This is your detox journal. No one will be grading it so you can write whatever is on your mind.
Avoid censoring the thoughts and feelings that come to you as you write in your journal. Allow your feelings to flow naturally without criticism or judgements. If you feel angry, write it down. If you feel sadness or grief, write it down. If you feel joy, write it down. Write exactly how you feel. By choosing this emotional cleansing practice,
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many people discover how removed they are from their true feelings. By keeping busy in a fast-paced life, it is easy to lose track of our true feelings. Reconnect to them by journalling.
Qigong Ancient Breathing Technique
The following emotional detox technique is a powerful ancient breathing exercise that can be found in ancient Chinese teachings called qigong (pronounced “chee-gung”). It will help improve your energy, increase your concentration, and release stress. Decreasing stress helps your body focus on existing toxins, instead of overburdening it with stress hormones the existing toxins.
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Bend your knees slightly. Let your arms fall limp at your sides. Lower your shoulders to relax any tension. Tuck in your chin and pull your head back, keeping it in alignment with your spine. Close your eyes, rest your tongue on the roof of your mouth, and take a deep breath through your nose, expanding your belly as you inhale. When you inhale, do not force the breath—just let it gradually become deeper and deeper. With every inhalation, imagine energy from the earth rising up from the soles Figure 7.1 Qigong posture
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of your feet and up the front of your body, purifying your body as it moves. Then with every exhalation through your nose, visualize the energy flowing down the back of your body, still purifying your whole body as it traverses. Visualize the stale energy full of toxins returning to the earth to be purified. Breathe in fresh energy from the earth and continue as before for at least fi ve minutes.
Perform this simple breathing exercise throughout your day whenever you need energy, or to relax, or just to feel greater peace in your life.
There are many forms of qigong that include diverse postures and movements. This simple exercise is a good point of departure should you wish to delve further into this ancient practice.
Xiu Lian Body Power Technique5
Dr. Zhi Gang Sha describes a technique for cleansing and healing in his book Power Healing. The practice of Xiu Lian (pronounced “shoo lee-en”) has existed in Chinese culture for the last fi ve thousand years. According to Dr. Sha,“Xiu means to purify your heart, mind, and soul. It means having love, care, compassion, sincerity, honesty, generosity, integrity, unselfishness, and discipline. It also means accumulating virtue and giving service to people and society. Lian means to practice all of these things in your daily life, in your actions, behaviours, and thoughts.”
He explains how to perform this simple, yet powerful technique: “Sit comfortably with your back straight, but not leaning against anything. Keep both feet on the floor. Relax. Place your hands in front of your chest. Gently touch the heels of your hands together, gently touch your thumbs together, and gently touch your little fingers together. Open your hands and fingers as though you were holding a beautiful lotus flower. Relax and maintain the position for a few minutes—the longer the better—while your mind is in a peaceful, pleasant, or meditative state.”

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Figure 7.2 Xiu Lian body power technique
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Meditation for Emotional Cleansing
While most people associate meditation with religion, this simple, powerful act transcends religious beliefs. Meditation is a brief vacation from the stresses of day-to-day life to centre your mind and create a feeling of peacefulness. The results are impressive.
In one study of forty-eight employees at a biotechnology company, half were trained in meditation and practised it for one hour a day, six days a week, using guided meditations that had been prerecorded on audiotapes. The other half of the participants did not meditate. Dr. Richard J. Davidson, of the University of Wisconsin, found that the meditators had greater electrical activity in their brains than the non-meditators. Some of the effects of meditation continued for up to four months after the participants stopped meditating.6
Other research shows improvements in mood, pain threshold, immune system activity, and bronchial and arterial smooth muscle tone, and a decrease in stress hormones and reversed effects of chronic stress.7
Daily practice offers the greatest benefits. Over time, it will become easier. By meditating on a regular basis you can train your mind to relax and release stress just by turning your attention to meditation.
There are several ways to meditate: breathing meditation, walking meditation, sitting meditation, mindfulness meditation, guided meditation, visualization, and prayer. Choose the type that has the most appeal and best fits with your lifestyle and health goals.
Breathing meditation is one of the easiest and most convenient forms of meditation. It can be done anywhere at almost any time, even if you only have several minutes. It requires no special equipment other than your lungs.You can do a breathing meditation while you are waiting in a doctor’s offi ce, grocery store lineup or at your desk.You can use a regular reminder throughout the day to help you remember to do deep breathing. For example, you could choose to take deep breaths at every red light while you are driving. You can take deep breaths on the hour throughout the day.
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Focusing on your breath on a regular basis can help oxygenate your body and achieve a nearly immediate sense of relaxation.
Choose the form of meditation that most appeals to you and, as Nike would say, “Just do it.” There are a million excuses for not meditating, starting with “I don’t have time” or “I’m too tired” to “I don’t know how to meditate.” I believe that all these excuses and many others suggest unwillingness to make your health and life a priority. Principles 1 and 4 respectively suggest “You are the director of your life” and “Nurture and respect yourself.”
Make time for meditation, even if it is on the bus ride home from work, or while you are sitting in your office, but do it daily. Th e rewards are far greater than the time and effort it takes to meditate. In fact, you will soon discover that meditation requires little or no effort at all.
Here is a simple meditation exercise:
You can play peaceful background music while performing this meditation or you can have silence, whichever you prefer.
1. Sit in a comfortable position where you will not be disturbed. If you have children, it is important to teach them to respect your quiet time. Taking time to recharge and release stress will allow you to be a better parent. Close your eyes. Keep your head upright and shoulders relaxed. 2. Begin by breathing deeply and steadily. Do not force your breathing. Simply breathe as deeply as you can comfortably. Observe your breath. 3. Begin to allow your breath to expand your abdomen. Comfortably expand your abdomen with each inhalation and then release the abdomen with every exhalation. 4. Continue breathing deeply for at least five minutes, the longer the better. Chapter .: Emotional Detox Strategies ...
Practise this meditation daily, increasing the amount of time each day. You can also purchase excellent guided meditation CDs, cassettes, videos, and DVDs to help with your meditation practice.
Energy Medicine for Emotional Detoxification
You learned about energy and the importance of maintaining strong and balanced energies in Chapter 6. Dr. Candace Pert, in her book Molecules of Emotion: The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine, explains that emotions can and do become stored in our bodies at the cellular level.
Donna Eden and David Feinstein in their book, Energy Medicine, explain stress this way:“When we are experiencing intense stress, we are not biologically programmed to sit around thinking about our problems.Your forebrain is not even well designed for saving you from immediate danger; your reptilian brain structure is far better organized for producing quick and effective defensive responses. But it doesn’t distinguish whether the alarm was set off by a physical threat, a relationship spat, pressure on the job, or a myriad of daily irritations. When the crisis response is needlessly engaged, not only is it useless in helping you survive, it plays havoc with your health and tranquillity.”
You can help your body to eliminate stresses that may be stored within by performing this simple exercise, which Eden and Feinstein describe in their book:
Holding a stressful memory in your mind while touching specifi c
spots on your head, called neurovascular holding points, condi
tions primitive brain centers to have a composed rather than an
emergency response to the memory. By resetting your nervous
system in this way, the stress response cycle is not activated when
the memory occurs.
1. Lightly place your fingertips on your forehead, covering the frontal eminences (the bumps on your forehead directly above your eyes); ... The .-Week Ultimate Body Detox Plan
2. Put your thumbs on your temples next to your eyes, breathing deeply; 3. As the blood returns to your forebrain over the next few minutes, you will find yourself beginning to think more clearly. It is that simple!8 Holding these points for three to five minutes while fully thinking about and feeling the negative stressor helps affect blood circulation to the forebrain and throughout the body.
Figure 7.3 Location of neurovascular holding points
Bach Flower Therapy for Emotional Cleansing
Dr. Edward Bach, a British medical doctor and bacteriologist, discovered a system of treating emotional imbalances using the “essence” of flowers. He had observed that many of his patients’ emotional diffi culties seemed to be having a negative effect on their physical health.
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In search of a way to help them and after many years of studying wild flowers in England, he developed remedies to work on mental and emotional fi xations.
The basic principle of this form of therapy is simple: people with fearful, worried, or depressed mental states heal more slowly and less completely than do those with positive, cheerful, and hopeful states of mind.
To incorporate Bach flower remedies into your detox program, go through the list below and the description of personality characteristics to find the one or two remedies whose descriptions most resemble your feelings or personality at this stage in your life. You may notice descriptions that sound like your personality years ago; however, unless that description also fits you at this stage of your life, you need not use it. We are working on emotions you are currently experiencing.
The remedies, which are in the form of liquids, usually come in small dropper bottles. Follow the directions on the bottle or place several drops under your tongue or in a glass of water and sip throughout the day.
Agrimony—suffers a lot internally, but keeps it hidden
Aspen—fear of unknown things
Beech—arrogant, critical, and intolerant
Centaury—weak-willed, subservient, and easily used
Cerato—lack of self-confidence, asks advice
Cherry plum—fear of going crazy, losing control, or causing
harm, violent temper
Chestnut bud—fails to learn by experience, repeats mistakes
Chicory—overpossessive, selfish, and attention-seeking
Clematis—absentminded, dreamy, and mentally escapist
Crab apple—self-dislike, feels unclean
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Elm—temporary inadequacy
Gentian—depression with known cause, easily discouraged
Gorse—depression, all seems pointless
Heather—obsessed with own problems
Holly—jealousy, suspicion, revenge, hate
Honeysuckle—living in the past
Hornbeam—procrastinators
Impatiens—impatient
Larch—depression, inferiority, expects to fail
Mimulus—fear of known things
Mustard—deep depression without reason
Oak—brave, plodders, determined
Olive—mental and physical exhaustion
Pine—guilt, self-blame
Red chestnut—fear for others
Rescue Remedy—a combination of cherry plum, clematis, impatiens, and Star of Bethlehem used for shock, trauma, and external and internal fi rst aid
Rock rose—terror, panic
Rock water—self-demanding, self-denial
Scleranthus—indecision, mood swings
Star of Bethlehem—shock
Sweet chestnut—despair, no hope left
Vervain—fanatical, tense, overenthusiastic
Vine—ambitious, tyrannical, demanding, unbending, power-seeking
Walnut—the “link” breaker, for times of change
Water violet—reserve, pride, reliability
White chestnut—persistent thoughts and mental chatter
Wild oat—helps define goals
Wild rose—apathetic slackers, unambitious; and
Willow—bitter, resentful.9
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Although it is not necessary to do all the suggested exercises and practices provided in this chapter, a combination of any of journal-ling, qigong breathing exercises, holding the neurovascular points on your forehead, meditating, and using Bach flower remedies can provide emotional cleansing to alleviate pent-up emotions or old wounds that may be stored in your cellular memory, or to simply feel more capable of handling stress.
In this chapter you learned
• The 10 Emotional Detox Principles • A simple meditation/breathing exercise that you can use any time • Ancient Chinese qigong exercises • Th e benefits of meditating and incorporating energy exercises into your life • Th e effects of toxic people in our lives and suggestions for dealing with them ... The .-Week Ultimate Body Detox Plan